JAKARTA - Intimacy is not just a matter of sex. Intimacy is the heart of a healthy, warm, and shared relationship. But in this fast-paced modern life, many couples unknowingly let small things undermine their closeness.
According to Chamin Ajjan, an expert in the field of sex relationships and therapists with more than two decades of experience, there are four main things that often damage intimacy and often without realizing it.
"Intimacy is the heartbeat of a relationship. When intimacy is broken, the impact is felt everywhere, from career, friendship, to physical health," Ajjan said, as reported by the CNBC website.
Here are 4 things that can secretly damage your intimacy with your partner, as well as how to deal with them.
1. Mobile
Technology does connect us with the outside world, but ironically, it often separates us from those closest to us.
"It's hard to connect with your partner, when your mind is happy with your phone," said Ajjan.
The solution is to discuss with your partner about limiting the use of cellphones. For example, making the bedroom a screen-free zone, or turning off notifications when eating together. It's not a matter of banning, but a full presence with your partner.
2. Former Shadow
Do you still compare your current partner with your ex? Or haven't you finished processing the end of the previous relationship? This could be a big barrier in building a new connection.
"The closure does not mean forgetting the former, but reclaiming the emotional energy that is still lagging behind," explained Ajjan.
The solution is to take the time to process feelings. Write a journal, talk about it, or even write a letter to an ex that won't be sent. If you still have physical memories (photos or old messages), consider saving them or being willing to leave them for the sake of a new partner.
3. Negative thoughts and fear for no reason
Feelings like "I'm not good enough" or "He's definitely not interested anymore" could emerge. This kind of mindset often comes from fear, not reality.
"Just because a thought feels right, doesn't mean it's true," said Ajjan.
The solution is to train yourself to recognize negative thoughts. Ask yourself, like 'Is this fact or fear?' or 'What is the evidence that supports and opposes it?'.
Then, change the perspective. Example: Instead of thinking "He's no longer interested", it can be changed by saying, "I don't know exactly how he feels, but I can come and see where this relationship is going."
4. Stress
Some people feel that passion increases when they are stressed. But for many others, stress actually damages relationships.
"If you feel closed when stressed, it's not a rejection of your partner, but a signal that you're overwhelmed," Ajjan said.
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The solution is to recognize how your body and emotions react to stress. Talk to your partner like, 'When I'm stressed, I need a sense of security first before I get back close.' Try asking for a hug or small help like cooking together which is very helpful.
The English, Chinese, Japanese, Arabic, and French versions are automatically generated by the AI. So there may still be inaccuracies in translating, please always see Indonesian as our main language. (system supported by DigitalSiber.id)
