JAKARTA - The memoir Broken String, the work of actress Aurelie Moeremans who went viral recently, not only opened old wounds. The memoir also provides a warning about the dangers of child predators.
Aurelie was then 15 years old. She met a man in his 30s, who in his book he disguised as Bobby. The book describes how Aurelie was trapped in a manipulative relationship. A relationship that seemed like "love" turned out to be a planned exploitation.
The connection to toxic masculinity that Broken Strings explores is very typical of child grooming practices, where the perpetrator slowly builds up a sense of dependence and slowly makes the victim feel that they have to depend on them and it is difficult to get away. This is what makes the victim sometimes realize the grooming practice too late.
Child grooming, according to clinical psychologist Kasandra Putranto, is difficult to detect because the perpetrator is able to identify the child's needs that are not met by the family, such as love, attention, and affection.
That is why, the role of families and communities is very important as a key in preventing child grooming practices.
According to the South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault and Family Violence (SECASA), grooming is a criminal activity carried out by adults by befriending or establishing a close emotional relationship with a child. The goal is to persuade the victim to have sexual relations.
The practice of child grooming is often considered the same as pedophilia, but Kasandra Putranto explained the difference. Pedophilia, he said, is a persistent sexual attraction to children who have not reached puberty.
"Child grooming is a process of manipulation to prepare children to become victims of sexual abuse, while pedophilia is a sexual attraction to children," Kasandra told VOI.
Grooming practices generally begin by building an emotional relationship. The perpetrator often spends time building trust with the child, creating a strong bond before directing the relationship in a more dangerous direction.
Child grooming is particularly dangerous because many characters can be perpetrators, ranging from known adults, social media users, to social workers or professionals.
"The perpetrator can be a family member, family friend, teacher, coach, or other adult who has access to children. The perpetrator can also use social media, messaging apps, or gaming platforms to establish relationships with children," said Kasandra.
"In some cases, individuals who work with children, such as social workers or counselors, can abuse their position to commit grooming," he said.
Lonely, isolated, or friendless children are often targets because they are more susceptible. In addition, children who have low self-esteem also make them more vulnerable to manipulation, because they seek validation from others.
Even though it provides various facilities, the presence of technology can also be one of the doors to the practice of grooming. Children who are active on social media or online platforms, said Kasandra, are often targets because perpetrators can easily contact them.
Inequality of Power RelationsUntil now, grooming has almost always grown as a result of a lopsided power relationship. In Indonesian culture, adults are often automatically considered to know more, be more correct, and have more right to determine the direction of a child or adolescent's life. Children who are definitely younger than them must respect adults.
It is this inequality that allows perpetrators to use their age, experience, and social position to build dependence.
Nurul Eka Hidayati, a mental health specialist who is part of the Indonesian Social Workers Consortium, said that in the case of grooming, not a few took place in open spaces, but were still left even though many people witnessed it.
First, because some feel that the relationship is a personal matter, so they do not feel authorized to interfere. Meanwhile, others do not understand enough that what they are witnessing is a dangerous form of manipulation. The silence of those who witness, in fact, creates a safe space for the perpetrators.
Meanwhile, the legal and social systems in Indonesia have tended to react only when physical violence has occurred. In fact, in the case of grooming, the first to be destroyed is the psychological damage since it is manipulated.
"Grooming becomes 'invisible' not because it takes place in secret, but because it is wrapped in a narrative of affection, protection, and pseudo-maturity, a narrative that makes those around them hesitate to speak up or act," said Nurul.
What Aurelie went through almost two decades ago should be a lesson for all parties, that a sustainable approach to child protection is needed, starting with the family.
Parents, said Kasandra, can prevent children from becoming victims of child grooming by having open communication with their children, among other things. Children also need to be taught about personal boundaries and the importance of saying "no" if they feel uncomfortable.
"In addition, parents must monitor their children's online activities, including the use of social media and applications, and recognize signs of suspicious behavior," he explained.
The government also has a responsibility in improving child safety. Some efforts that can be done are by strengthening legal regulations with more stringent sanctions, actively providing education and public awareness, cross-sector collaboration, providing legal protection for victims, and providing rehabilitation services.
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