Often Argue With Couples, Here Are 2 Ways To Overcome Debate

JAKARTA - The key to healthy relationships is good communication. However, the solution to overcoming debates in arguments that cause a relationship problem is hard to avoid. Sometimes starting a phrase with a simple "I" can change everything for the better.

Psychology Today, Tuesday, November 19, found two ways to easily adapt to problems in a relationship. Here's more.

The empathic parafrase involves listening seriously when other people talk, without interruption or planning your response mentally.

It's also important to then re-state the contents of what other people say and acknowledge the emotions behind it. This shows that you're really listening to cognitive and emotional levels. When people feel heard, they tend not to be defensive, which is key in easing tensions.

For example, if your partner says, "I'm really stressed because you didn't call even though you promised to call," instead of reacting defensively or ignoring, you can respond by saying, "I understand why you're stressed because we expect me to call, while I don't keep it."

"We find that people think listeners disagree with them as bad listeners than listeners who agree with them," Bella Ren and Rebecca Schaumberg, author of a study published April in Psychological Science.

"On average, the speaker felt that listeners listened to them better when the listener focused on the speaker, showed understanding, and showed respect and interest in what the speaker said. So, even though the listener disagreed with the speaker, it was still good for them to listen well," the researchers added.

If you're not sure about what your partner really feels or why they're angry, asking a clarification question can prevent misunderstandings.

For example, if your partner says, "You never take your brain seriously," you can respond with, "It looks like you feel your contribution is not appreciated. Can you trust me any further why do you feel that way?" This not only shows that you are interested in understanding your partner's perspective, but also encourages further dialogue than stopping it.

Following up with a question means you open the door for your partner to clarify or explain their feelings, as well as avoid miscommunication. This deeper insight can change the direction of the conversation towards completion, as the speaker feels more understood and tends not to react emotionally.

The empathic paragraph also involves recognizing the speaker's emotions without including your own judgment or opinion. This means focusing on what they feel, even if you disagree with their perspective, and restrain the desire to immediately correct or explain yourself. By doing so, you create a safe space for dialogue, which naturally relieves conflict.