JAKARTA - The process of finding a mate can be very complicated. Going into it scientifically can add to that complexity. There is a long process involving love, communication, bonding, commitment, or many other elements that each person believes differently. However, in some cultures, the process of finding a mate can be as simple as opening the door to a meeting between two people. The matchmaker is one of those cultures.
Finding a mate is a job that requires the most patience. Psychoanalyst and social philosopher, Erich Fromm analogized the process of finding a soul mate like a child learning to ride a bicycle. Humans will keep falling and trying until they finally find a way to keep going without falling.
Erich also explained the feeling of being in love as one of the core of the dating process. "The feeling of falling in love will usually arise and develop when the commodities offered are available. Meanwhile, the form of love will only occur when both parties have found their best object in their partner, "said Erich in the book The Art of Loving (1956).
In some cultures, the process of finding a soul mate --if that is, someone you marry-- can be much simpler. Instead of going through the process of falling and rising, a person can find a soul mate through other people. In this context, we mean matchmaker.
It is widely known in Betawi culture. matchmaker is a mediator or intermediary in matchmaking matters. Typically, matchmakers have certain skills when it comes to matchmaking. Alwi Shahab, in an article entitled Mak Comblang dan Roti Buaye (2009) explains, matchmakers are generally extending the hands of young parents in finding a mate for their child.
"As the name implies, matchmakers are in charge of finding women-in-law candidates or none-in-law candidates, according to the boy's parents request."
The skill in question is related to communication: good at talking and socializing. Another interesting thing, the person who usually becomes the matchmaker is an old woman (middle age). Somehow, that classification built itself up, along with the reputation they had acquired.
It was noted that until the 1950s, this tradition was still sustainable because most Betawi girls at that time were still secluded. To the point that, just to leave the house, the virgin child must be accompanied by a family or household assistant (ART).
However, when there is a special occasion such as a wedding party, the girl will be prepared to dress as beautifully as possible to attract the attention of the parents of the prospective husband or even the young man himself who might immediately ask to be married by the girl. That's where the matchmaker comes into play.
"Applications are not made directly by the parents of the boy, but by the male family delegates who are also well known to the female families. Apart from that, the male family also asked a trusted woman, who is usually called a matchmaker, to investigate the seriousness of the woman's family with them, ”wrote Emot Rahmat Taendiftia in the book Gado-gado Betawi: Betawi Society and Its Cultural Variety (1996).
The matchmaker role
After being sent by the youth's family, the matchmaker immediately goes to the dream girl's family home. Starting with a match, usually the girl's parents happily show their child in front of the matchmaker while being greeted with a tea ceremony.
After the girl entered, the matchmaker and the girl's parents talked. Like a diplomat, a matchmaker also holds diplomacy. From the parents' side, usually they will tell at length about the strengths of their daughter.
"Maybe you hear someone's story. Saye child is a good virgin. But that's not what people say. " The winged sentence gets more vigorous when the matchmaker shows more serious concern.
Not once or twice, the matchmaker has carried out the action. It can take days for both parties to convince each other. For matchmakers, what is usually done is to convince the parents of the girl that the boy who will marry her is someone who is good at the Koran, is well-established, or is good at silat, typical of Betawi children.
While the matchmaker is in action, the boy who has received the 'green light' continues the tradition of traveling (coming) to the girl's house. When traveling, the boy was only met by his father. Meanwhile, the girl is only allowed to peek through the door or the cracks of the window, considering that the purpose of traveling is only to introduce herself to the girl's family.
Abdul Chaer, in an article by Betawi Tempo Doeloe (2015), explains that the youth will discuss the results of traveling with his family. The tradition of traveling is not prolonged. Usually, since going on a trip, the girl's family immediately asks the boy's family to come quickly to propose. The goal is for the relationship to run harmoniously as kinship is connected.
"If the family and the bachelor approve the girl to become the wife of the virgin, then enter the application stage. On the other hand, if the family meeting agrees to disagree, then there is no application program. " said Abdul Chaer.
To get further details regarding the role of matchmakers, we contacted a young Betawi figure, Masykur Isnan. He said, the presence of matchmakers provided evidence that the Betawi people had a big share in popularizing the word matchmaker. In addition, he sees matchmakers as a form of high respect for women from the Betawi community. Respect that reflects the religious aspect.
Jejaka cannot just communicate with women, considering that women for Betawi people have a very high value. For that reason, the matchmaker bridges this limited communication and is only present in every Betawi wedding. However, in his travels, matchmakers are widely known as people who connect men and women in matchmaking or romance.
"The reality is that today the matchmaker role is still present, but in different forms and ways to keep up with the times. The role of the matchmaker then gave birth according to the current era. For example, a commercial dating agency or using kinship, kinship and friendship, ”he told VOI, Thursday, July 9.
The English, Chinese, Japanese, Arabic, and French versions are automatically generated by the AI. So there may still be inaccuracies in translating, please always see Indonesian as our main language. (system supported by DigitalSiber.id)
