YOGYAKARTA The relationship between children who have lived independently and their parents, is often strained due to many factors. A psychological study by Karen Fingerman in 2017 noted that the intensity of communication and engagement between parents and children has shifted significantly since the last century. Along with that, the definition of 'adults' is also different from what it used to be. Because the sign of maturity is no longer completing education, getting married, moving from home to the family, and starting a career.
The involvement, communication, and independence in the adult age phase may have an effect on the relationship between children and parents. The effect is not only expressed in the sentence of rejection, disapproval, or breaking up of an argument. According to author Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unlogging Mother and Reclaiming You Life, Peg Streep reported by Psychology Today, Friday, July 8, identifying things that make the relationship between children and parents strained or strained.
In Latin known as the Fed pro quo, where there is an exchange of goods or services even if it only crosses assumptions.
Like Melanie's experience, she entrusted her baby to her mother two days a week to save her care costs by 40 percent. But she received comments about how to raise children and how to manage finances from her parents. When explaining that she was disturbed by the comments, the mother was defensive. This is a picture of the Fed pro quo.
If you are a parent who offers help and needs revenge, Streep's advice, it must be explained. Otherwise, whatever is given, whether time, money, support, or advice, give unconditionally.
Every child who is mature and independent has the preferences and rights to choose who the partner is. But in certain situations, such as in the case of Dave and Lydia being reviewed by Streep, a lawyer with a Ph.D. is disappointed and disagrees with his youngest child's choice of romantic relationship with a man who doesn't graduate from college.
Parents disagree with their children's choices, not without reason. But they seem to set children's happiness according to their size. They even limit their children's choices for successful marriages with prejudices.
Parents often measure their success with the success of their children. Sometimes it is difficult for them to accept the decisions of their adult children. This can trigger the vulnerability of relationships between children and parents. In fact, one party felt offended and an argument broke out.
When your child does not ask for opinions about parenting patterns, it is best to keep yourself refrain from commenting. The reason is, by becoming flexible and not rigid, it is better to keep the relationship well established. If you have not been asked for an opinion, it is better not to offer it.
Sometimes, parents assume wrong. By comparing with siblings or others, it is considered to motivate children. This is a bad idea, according to Streep. Never compare your adult with anyone, whether about their actions, choices, and others so as not to trigger a source of tension.
Every culture and race holds respect for parents in everyday life. But when parents consider their children's disagreements as 'unpreciate' behavior, it is necessary to reconsider. It is not always a disagreement or difference of opinion that is disrespectful. Although it still requires ethics in conveying it, open-mindedness is more likely to make the relationship between adults and their parents more warm.
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