Dive Into The Concept Of Love And Marriage In Taaruf

Photo illustration (Jeff Balbalosa / Pixabay)

The decision to marry is the personal authority of each person. At least that's what we learned from the article "The Decision to Marry is Everyone's Authorization". Still part of the VOI Series Writing, "Marriage Today", this time we will explore the concept of love and the marriage bond in taaruf.

Every person is obliged to exercise personal authority to determine all decisions that will be made regarding marriage. Not only determining when to get married. A person's path to finding true love must also be freed. About taaruf, for example.

We are aware that in a society that is not very good at interpreting the word love, taaruf can even be a case. We don't want to get caught up in judgmental thoughts. From the start, our attitude was clear. Marriage is a full authority of freedom, as long as it is based on careful considerations. So, we discussed this issue with a number of practitioners and experts.

Indadari is the author and founder of the Niqab Squad, a women's community that focuses on enforcing sharia, including the matter of finding a married partner. To us, Indadari explained the concept of love in taaruf. In principle, taaruf is an attempt for a person to find a life partner without any processes that deviate from the principles of sharia: dating.

Indadari explained, there are several ways that are usually done in taaruf. One of the most common ways is to exchange curriculum vitae alias CV. Just like people applying for jobs. The initial process of taaruf is very important to assess the seeds, bebet, and the weight of a potential partner.

"Taaruf is an introduction, yes. Taaruf is someone's first stage when they want to get married ... There are many kinds of introductions. For example, exchanging CVs through intermediaries. Then if you have exchanged CVs, biodata, it is suitable, for example, then to the next stage, namely nazhor, "said Indadari when contacted by VOI, Monday, December 23.

Nazhor itself is a process for a man to know a woman whom he wants to marry according to the law. In principle, Nazhor is done to foster a man's attraction to women. However, there are some notes in Nazhor. First, the man must know that his application will be accepted by the woman.

Second, even though it is intended to provoke attraction, men can only see five parts of a woman's body in the nazhor process. These parts are the face, neck, head, al qadam - from the ankles to the bottom - and al yadd - from the wrists to the fingers. The rest, not allowed. In addition, the process of nazhor must also be accompanied by assistance.

After Nazhor, the process that is passed in taaruf is application or sermon. After that, then the marriage contract can be done. "Nazhor saw. It was like meeting up, but not together. In Islam, we can't do it together ... So, usually come to his house, see the candidate with his family or friends," said Indadari.

The concept of love in taaruf

In January 2020, Deviyanti and her husband, Anzar will enter their 12th marriage. A dozen years earlier, the two of them didn't even know each other. Their marriage started as a matchmaking action among friends. One day, the two decided to meet. Deviyanti was accompanied by her brother, while Anzar was accompanied by her best friend.

The meeting at a restaurant in one of the shopping centers was brief. However, it was enough for the two of them to make up their minds to move forward together in marriage. There was no love in their hearts at that time. Deviyanti or Anzar both intended their marriage to be blessed. On Sunday, January 20, 2008, the two decided to get married. A marriage that has two children for both of them.

"Actually, the most important thing for us is intention. Intention is everything. If it is intended for Allah's blessing, God willing, the blessings we get ... After all, Mas Anzar and I are not really blind. At least I know the work of him and his family, "said Deviyanti when contacted by VOI, Saturday, December 21.

Regarding love, Deviyanti or Anzar see it as something that grows out of habit. After all, despite realizing the importance of love, they see commitment as a more crucial key to a marriage relationship. "It (love) in the end comes back again, yes (to intention). It (love) grows over time. After all, what is important is the initial intention and keeping the promise (commitment)," said Deviyanti.

Regarding this, we interviewed a psychologist from the University of Indonesia, Rose Mini. He agreed, the process of finding true love can be done in various ways. Also taaruf. The most important thing in Rose Mini's eyes is actually the process of getting to know each other. And if in taaruf there is no process of emotional recognition - as experienced by dating people, then at least everyone who undergoes taaruf must gather important information about a potential partner.

"Actually, when dating is the function of getting to know more. Knowing more, there are various ways. In the past, seeds, bebet, weight. If like that, we can see from the way the person talks, behavior. also see what kind of family background, "said Rose Mini some time ago.

Moreover, in a psychological perspective, the dating process never really determines the permanence of a marriage. Marriage in the eyes of Rose Mini is far more logical than just the emotional bond that is usually built by lovers who are bound by dating relationships. As Deviyanti said, commitment is everything. So, rather than emotional ties, knowing the background is much more important.

Referring to Indadari's explanation, the process of taaruf never leaves the process of identifying the background. "(In taaruf) But there are also many who already know, never met, finally they only know social media, finally ta'aruf, exchange CV, keep meeting, sermons continue to be married," said Indadari.

Have faith

Taaruf is not a guarantee that a marriage will run smoothly. In some cases, taaruf marriages also often lead to various difficulties. And Indadari realized how people saw taaruf as irrational. However, if we study taaruf, we will definitely return to matters of faith. Taaruf, for him is the process of surrendering for blessings.

"Indeed, it does not guarantee that the household will be happy. Even though there are many people who are already dating, they also do not guarantee that they are happy. So, it depends on each person when running the household or the reason why he is married. And marriage is like moving if I am , "said Indadari.

"In my opinion, it doesn't need to be negative either. The way people pick up their mate is up to the person. But, if in Islam there is a recommended process. For example taaruf is a better way. Maybe they are used to now that if you say dating, they will meet. That's normal, "he added.

Furthermore, Indadari explained his view on the concept of taaruf as a step to get closer to the One. There is an emphasis that he conveyed, that taaruf is a very personal religious as well as spiritual process, on how a Muslim deepens himself and knows his religion. The emphasis that actually reminds us of the overall narrative in this series. That preparing and building self-quality is a crucial step for everyone who goes to the gate of marriage.

"Marriage is how they improve themselves women or men. Because of that earlier, the law of marriage match between the Islamic religion, a good man for a good woman. So it depends on each person," said Indadari.