Conflict With A Spouse, Here's Expert Advice To Resolve Fairly

Illustration of resolving conflicts with partners fairly (Freepik/Rawpixeldotcom)

YOGYAKARTA – Even happy couples never experience problems that often trigger conflicts. Every couple is committed, each person has a different perspective. Sometimes, these differences make the conflict unresolved and left dusty.

According to Steven Ing, MFT., who has been in family and marriage therapy for 30 years, conflict is an unavoidable part of every relationship. Not only committed partners, teachers and students, and fellow friends also experience conflict. Ing said that lovers need to be a healthy team. The goal is quite simple, which is to have a beautiful life and solve every problem throughout life.

To resolve conflicts fairly, couples need to understand that in teamwork there is no winner or loser status. Rules for resolving conflicts fairly, expressed Ing as reported by Psychology Today, Thursday, August 25.

First, each partner must not abuse their committed status. That is, there should be no yelling, ridicule, labeling, or controlling behavior towards one another. For example, regulating how to dress or with whom to make friends.

Illustration of resolving conflicts with partners fairly (Freepik/Drobotdean)

The second rule, every committed person is a living subject who has a whole self. This means that it is important for everyone to be open to each other about finances, sex life, relationships with parents, and so on. Ing also said that a fair fight does not kill each other's character. Furthermore, you and your partner need to accept each other's whole subject matter.

Third, the debate needs to be based on mutual agreement. Starting from the agreement of time to reduce reactive behavior that triggers the conflict to become more acute.

Through the three rules above, starting from respecting each person's status, accepting each other's character, and arguing based on agreement, aims to solve problems fairly.