How Romantic Couples Communicate, Turns Out To Be Related To Relationship Satisfaction

Illustration of communication in romantic relationship (iStockphoto)

YOGYAKARTA – For romantic couples who are lasting in their relationship, of course they know very well how to communicate properly. Even communicating about negative feelings needs to be measured because it can damage the relationship if it goes too far. Researchers have also spent years trying to pinpoint exactly what forms of communication affect relationship satisfaction.

According to psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Grant Hillary Brenner, MD., aspects of communication drive relationship satisfaction. Meanwhile, relationship satisfaction establishes a more constructive space for communication and conflict resolution. Conversely, relationship satisfaction can also stabilize relationships so that they do not have a large space for negative communication. Launching Psychology Today, Brenner said it was like the chicken or the egg came first. This complexity is dispelled from the findings of the first study published in the Canadian Journal of Behavioral Science in 2022.

The study looked at the direction of the relationship between communication and satisfaction. Considering partners as partners but also actors who in practice are not only good listeners but also speakers with certain criteria. The criteria are categorized into positive and negative poles. Positive communication includes collaborative problem solving, sharing feelings. While negative communication includes self-defense, humiliation, withdrawal, criticism, demanding, and not pursuing. So where does this pole lead to satisfaction in romantic relationships?

Illustration of communication in romantic relationship (iStockphoto)

Jolin and colleagues analyzed data from their study. They used a statistical approach called APIM (Actor-Partner Interdependence Model), to analyze all possible relationships between communication and relationship satisfaction. For example, does positive communication build actor satisfaction or partner satisfaction.

A total of 311 heterosexual couples participated in this study with an average duration of commitment of 23 years. From the study, negative communication patterns led to lower self-satisfaction, but not partner satisfaction.

Another study of personality, shows that most people want to change their behavior to enhance useful traits. Such as awareness, open mind, and efforts to change oneself for the better.

Since negative communication habits not only damage relationships but also reduce self-satisfaction, it's important to identify ways of speaking and conveying criticism to be more constructive, according to Brenner through the studies he reviewed. Many people practice mindfulness meditation and a compassion-based approach. Because when used properly, it can help provide an emotional foundation and increase the chances of positive communication, even if it's spontaneous.