Questioning Sexual Fantasy, Should You Be Open To Your Partner?

Illustration of having to open up to your partner about sexual fantasies (Pexels/Tima Miroshnichenko)

YOGYAKARTA – Everyone has a fantasy, regardless of whether or not it has anything to do with sexual relations. But when it comes to sexual fantasies, should you open up or tell your partner? According to Ari Tuckman, PsyD., MBA, a clinical psychologist who specializes in helping couples and individuals have a better sex life, fantasy has the potential to make couple relationships more exciting.

Sharing fantasies, especially those related to sexuality, is everyone's privacy. That is, explained Tuckman, there is no right or wrong measure to divide or not. It's just that there is a context that everyone needs to think about.

For people who value independence, sexual fantasies may be considered a personal secret. But for two people in pairs who agree to share secrets, they choose to open up to each other. However, between these personal preferences are values that are held together. For example, what if fantasizing about sex with other people or fantasies extends beyond your sex life? From this question, Tuckman was quoted by Psychology Today as explaining the explanation.

Illustrations should be open to partners about sexual fantasies (Pexels/Antony Shkraba)

Fantasy is completely mental, meaning that there is something that has the benefit of maintaining household harmony. But some, in extreme cases, can change the relationship and feelings of one of the partners.

Some couples may not care about this mental state called fantasy. Especially if from the beginning they did not build a mutual agreement about the openness of sexual fantasies. According to Tuckman, it will be a problem if the sexual fantasy is realized without the knowledge of the partner. Because once someone from your partner follows up on sexual fantasies in a certain way, or doesn't involve their partner, it's going to hurt if you get caught, right?

Most people deal with sexual fantasies by being open with their partners. Provided it is disclosed in a timely manner, well communicated, and not surprising. That way the couple will receive information instead of being covered up and found out that the realization is disappointing.

In intimacy, disclosure can be a challenge. The reason, it may be scary to share the deepest secrets, especially about sensitive topics such as sex to partners. Couples, even though they are the closest and most loved people, may not always understand, like, feel safe with the sexual fantasies that are told.

However, many people prefer to be open and view intimacy as a process of mutual support and unconditional validation. The way relationships work, according to Tuckman, is a challenge to process each other. Revealing sensitive matters also requires a process.

If partners are able to roll together and have productive discussions about disagreements until they come to a mutual agreement, then resentment or disappointment is almost impossible to sneak up on and shake up the relationship.