Compatibility With Life Spouse, Influenced By These 5 Factors

Illustration of factors influencing pair compatibility (iStockphoto)

YOGYAKARTA – Love stories cannot be predicted to have a happy ending or vice versa. However, almost every couple wants a relationship that is lasting, harmonious, romantic, and perfect. A set of ideas about love stories, according to Karin Sternberg Ph.D., and Robert J. Sternberg, Ph.D, includes beliefs, prejudices about what a relationship should be like, how to behave in a relationship, and what an ideal partner should be.

But often we are not aware of our respective love stories. If you're looking to find someone who's a real match, this is the key you need to keep in mind.

1. The compatibility aspect is influenced by the love story experience

In your mind, you have a love story that determines which potential partner you are attracted to and that shapes your expectations of what a relationship should be like, how you should behave in a relationship, how you should interpret your partner's actions, how you should interact with your partner. , etc.

A love story represents all of your life experiences, including the relationships of family members, neighbors, and friends that you have observed since childhood, your own experiences with other people, the stories you read in books and watch in movies.

Illustration of the factors that affect the compatibility of a partner (Pexels/Andre Furtado)

2. Have a matching love story

Everyone has a love story too. But there are stories that tend to work better and others that are maladaptive. Plus, some stories work better together than others. For example, if you have a fantasy story and are looking for a super romantic relationship with your personal daughter, but your partner isn't as interested in romance as in creating a relationship that runs smoothly like a business, both of you are likely to end up disappointed.

You and your partner don't need to share the same story, but for a long-term, happy relationship, you need stories to match each other.

3. Understand what you want from a relationship

Quoting from Psychology Today, love stories are strung together from "core components of love". Depending on your love story, which may have different needs for: intimacy (i.e., how close, bonded, and connected you feel), passion (i.e., how much emotional and physical attraction and romance you have in your relationship), and commitment in your relationship.

The problem is, people in pairs often don't realize what they want and where they fall short. Sternberg advises, dig deep and find out what you want from a relationship in terms of intimacy, passion, and commitment. If your partner wants the same thing as you, then stick with it and explore more deeply. If not, try to close the gap to make the relationship work.

4. Appreciate and express feelings with actions

Sternberg's research found that people often don't know how their partner feels about them. People who participate, or can feel their partner's feelings, have stable relationships.

For example, your partner may feel that they are very committed to your relationship. If you don't feel that they are committed and as a result feel anxious or jealous most of the time. Expressing feelings with actions serves to measure the adequacy of intimacy, passion, and commitment in a relationship.

5. Relationship suitability with needs

Your love story determines the type of relationship and partner you seek and what you expect from your relationship. You will be happiest when you and your partner have a perfect love story and you fulfill each other's needs. The expectations of those around you—your parents, family, and friends—and society are less important.

You have to realize that there is no right or wrong love story, and understand that the key to happiness in a relationship is finding someone whose love story matches yours.