Minimizing Escapes, These Are 5 Expectations That Must Be Discussed With Your Partner

Illustration of a couple discussing expectations (Freepik/Tirachadz)

JAKARTA – In a long-term relationship, it is important to have expectations. This becomes the basis for every couple to determine how to maintain a healthy relationship. However, not a few people expect their partner to be a mind reader.

Bad things will happen when expectations are assumed. According to Dr. Robin Buckley, author, public speaker, and cognitive-behavioral coach, self-expectations can be set according to one's capacity. But when those closest to you don't live up to expectations, it can lead to doubts about relationships and connections. Therefore, it is important to discuss the expectations of a relationship. What needs to be discussed? Here's the list.

1. Intimacy

For newly married couples, discussing the topic of sex should be done regularly. Reported by Fatherly, Friday, March 25, couples must have the same understanding about the frequency of sex. Topics such as satisfaction, likes or dislikes, and sexual menus need to be discussed freely without shame.

This dialogue is a solid foundation of trust and openness. A psychiatrist, Dr. Gail Saltz says that the earlier you can talk about it the better. This can prevent misunderstandings and honesty can also create intimacy.

Illustration of a couple discussing expectations (Freepik/Tirachadz)

2. Money

Money is the most crucial issue for many couples. Especially if the expectations are placed on an unrealistic lifestyle. Often a lot of power and shame is tied to money matters, says Saltz. To avoid such situations, Saltz recommends that couples have weekly discussions to discuss finances. Those that need to be discussed include 'where are we?', 'what kind of lifestyle can we live?', and 'what will happen in the future?'.

3. Expectations about mutual fulfillment

Marriage consists of two people who have different backgrounds. Different interests, passions and activities. But that's what it means for two people to be on a team in achieving shared expectations. Despite having different backgrounds, they fill equally important roles.

Even more deeply, the roles of each other are neither smaller nor more dominant. Buckley's advice, let your partner know what you want, discuss and communicate.

4. Role as a partner

Instead of focusing on the qualities that your partner doesn't have, it's better to respect the good qualities that they do have. Then discuss the expectations of his role as your partner and vice versa. Try talking about new things that can be taken to share roles.

5. Expectations of being a parent

Everyone has a vision of what kind of parent they want to be. Especially when they are about to start planning to have children. But parenting is a marathon, one can't be the perfect parent all the time without quick learning. Therefore, it is very important to have constant conversations and pay attention to the two of you together to become parents who accompany the baby.

Those are the five expectations that every couple needs to talk about continuously. Do you have any expectations beyond the five aspects above?