Why Is It So Hard For Us To Forgive Mistakes? These Are The 5 Most Reasonable Reasons

Illustration of the reason it's hard to forgive people (Unsplash/Angga Aditya)

JAKARTA – Forgiving other people's mistakes can be the hardest job. Although it is often understood as a good thing or right and needs to be done, it is not easy to do it.

Why can it be so difficult? The following are the most plausible reasons why forgiveness involves a mental aspect.

1. The wounds of the past can be remembered into the future

Memory is a resource that can be modified by forgiveness. If the memory of the wound can be forgiven and modified into something new, think of it as the most cliched example learning.

But as reported by Psychology Today, Tuesday, September 28, the wounds of the past can infect our present. If you are hurt by someone, you may hold a grudge or get hurt.

2. Forgiveness needs a process

Many think that by forgiving we forget the mistakes of others. No, forgiving and forgetting or accepting mistakes are different things.

According to psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, forgiveness is similar to feeling grief. Because the things that need to be forgiven don't make life easy for us. That is, a process is needed that starts from denial, bargaining, anger, depression, until finally accepting and forgiving.

3. Controlling feelings and emotions is not easy

Not like turning hands or even not as easy as learning to pedal a bicycle. Controlling emotions is more difficult, especially in unexpected situations that can escalate emotions.

4. Not forgiving as a self-defense mechanism

Someone who is difficult to forgive could be because the defense mechanism is too strong. He doesn't want to forgive because he doesn't want to feel disappointed, annoyed, and hurt.

5. Save the wounds experienced as revenge

Revenge is seen as a way of controlling and making you stronger after feeling hurt. However, taking revenge or punishing those who wronged you is ineffective and unproductive for your life.