Need To Know, 4 Rules When Sex Talk With Your Partner

Illustration of a couple discussing private topics (Pexels/Gary Barnes)

JAKARTA – Talking about sex talk with your partner is a space to discuss and negotiate aspects of lovemaking. Starting from the body, frequency, to quality.

In fact, talking about sex with a partner is a way to keep physical intimacy burning. Well, according to sex therapists, there are 4 rules or limits when talking to a partner. The following are the rules according to Laurie Watson who is also a lecturer at Duke University.

Avoid talking about sensitive topics without an agenda

Everyone has preferences regarding the topics discussed. So try not to surprise your partner because the topics discussed do not match their preferences.

According to Watson, it's okay to talk about sensitive topics like sex, but not in bed. Talk about it in a neutral place, like on the veranda over coffee. Create an agenda so your partner isn't surprised when it's time to talk.

Choose only one topic per conversation

Even if you have plenty of time, try to talk about just one topic about sex. Why? Discussions about sex should be brief, purposeful, and limited. Watson's suggestion, break down the most complex feelings about the relation piecemeal.

For example, if there is a change in sexual activity, talk about the simplest but strengthens the emotional bond with your partner. Like telling your partner that you feel loved if he takes the initiative to do it every week.

Then in another chat session, discuss techniques or positions that are suitable for both. And in other sessions, the chat can develop, the goal of which is to find a common solution.

Give suggestions, not complaints

Sex talk is a chat that needs to be done often but within limits. Like never say a complaint but give advice.

"Give your partner confidence by commenting on the positive aspects of your sex life", Watson advises.

For example, by saying “I really like it when we laugh together in bed. Other times I yearn for more intensity. I think it would be sexier if we could start from…”. From these talks, discussion and exchange of ideas will occur.

Start with a basic question

There are some basic questions you can ask to gain a common understanding. Like “what time do you feel sexiest?”, “Which part do you like to be touched?”, and so on.