What Not to Do When a Child Tantrum? This Guide for Parents

Illustration of parental guidance on what not to do when a child has a tantrum (Freepik/user15285612)

YOGYAKARTA - Facing a tantrum child can indeed test patience, especially if it happens at an unexpected time and place. However, understanding what not to do when a child has a tantrum is just as important as knowing how to calm him down. Many of the parents' spontaneous responses turn out to be unconsciously worsening the situation. With a more appropriate approach, you can help your child learn to recognize and manage his emotions more healthily.

1. Don't underestimate your child's feelings

When a child is angry about something that seems "trivial", avoid saying that it's not a big deal. For children, their feelings still feel real and intense, even though the trigger is simple. Taking it lightly only makes children feel misunderstood and can prolong the tantrum. On the other hand, it is important to still appreciate their perspective even if you don't completely agree.

2. Do not tell the child to stop feeling

Phrases like "don't be angry" or "don't cry" often come out reflexively, but they don't help. Quoting The Child Mind, Wednesday, April 29, children can't just control their emotions in an instant. Telling them to stop feeling it actually makes emotions pile up. It's better to help children recognize what they feel so that they learn to understand their own emotions.

Illustration of parental guidance on what not to do when a child tantrum (Freepik)3. Don't lie to avoid tantrums

Saying things that are not true in order to prevent crying may feel practical in the short term. However, this habit can damage children's trust in the long term. Children will also learn that honesty is not important. It's better to stay honest while setting clear boundaries.

4. Don't make your child feel responsible for your emotions

Saying "you make Mama sad" can make a child feel overwhelmed. Children do not yet have the capacity to manage the emotions of others. This can actually cause unnecessary anxiety or guilt. Instead, you should convey your feelings in a way that shows that the emotion is your own responsibility.

5. Don't take your child's words personally

During a tantrum, a child can say hurtful things like "I don't like you". This is not a personal attack, but an expression of unmanaged emotions. If you react emotionally, the situation can get even hotter. Staying calm helps the child feel safer and slowly subside.

6. Don't use sarcasm

Sarcasm may seem mild to adults, but small children are not yet able to understand it. A tone that does not match the words can make a child confused or feel underestimated. Instead of helping, this can actually worsen their emotions. Clear and simple communication is much more effective.

Understanding what not to do when a child has a tantrum is an important step in building a healthy parenting pattern. Tantrums are not just an outburst of emotion, but part of a child's learning process in recognizing their feelings. With the right response, you not only relieve the situation, but also help your child develop emotionally. So, when faced with the next tantrum, remember that your attitude is the main key in guiding them through the little storm.