JAKARTA - The issue of divorce at an advanced age or known as gray divorce is back in the public spotlight. This attention arose after Atalia Praratya, a member of the Indonesian House of Representatives from the Golkar Party, filed for divorce against Ridwan Kamil, the former Governor of West Java, after decades of nurturing the household.
The lawsuit has been officially registered at the Bandung Religious Court. The first trial is scheduled to take place on Wednesday, December 17, 2025. However, until now there has been no open explanation regarding the reasons or the main issues behind the divorce lawsuit. The divorce application is known to have been filed through Atalia's lawyer in December 2025.
This event reopened the discussion about the phenomenon of gray divorce, which is a divorce that occurs in couples aged 50 years and above. Unlike divorce at a young age, gray divorce is usually experienced by couples who have been married for a long time, even for decades and have gone through various phases of life together.
The term gray divorce refers to a mature age separation or divorce, generally after a person reaches the age of 50. This phenomenon has become more common in recent years. Studies show that the divorce rate for people aged 65 and over has almost tripled compared to 1990. The impact is not simple, ranging from major changes in social life to its influence on mental and physical health.
Psychologist Chivonna Childs, PhD explains what gray divorce is, why it can happen, and steps that can be taken to minimize its negative impact.
Gray divorce is a divorce or separation that occurs in old age, generally after 50 years. Couples who divorce at this stage have usually been in a long-term relationship for decades.
Unlike young couples who often break up because of infidelity, violence, financial problems, or lack of experience in building relationships, older couples tend to face cumulative problems, small problems that are unresolved and accumulate over the years.
The number of gray divorces did increase slowly between 1970 and 1990, then jumped significantly in 2010 and continued to increase until now. According to Dr. Childs, this is influenced by the increase in life expectancy, changes in cultural values, and the public's increasingly open view of the concept of marriage and divorce.
"Now, surviving in an unhappy marriage is no longer a must," he explained, quoted from the Cleveland Clinic website.
"Women have better financial independence, and we are increasingly concerned about mental health. We no longer have to endure marriage just for economic stability," he continued.
Some common factors that often trigger gray divorce include:
- A relationship that feels unbalanced and no longer in line emotionally
- Differences in interests, dreams, and life goals
- A marriage that feels stagnant and not developing
- Lack of satisfaction and happiness
- The desire to find a more meaningful connection
- Empty nest syndrome after children become independent
- An impetus to grow personally and improve the quality of life
- Major life events, such as a serious illness or near-death experience
"Gray divorce is often a choice to improve life and pursue personal growth," said Dr. Childs.
"This decision requires courage, and is usually made with careful consideration," he added.
The decision of gray divorce does not always bring a sense of complete relief. For some people, there is a feeling of loss, loneliness, even regret.
"Humans are social creatures. Many people fear loneliness, and it can be a source of regret," said Dr. Childs.
"However, the decision to divorce is usually weighed with the mental suffering experienced during marriage," he continued.
Not a few couples choose to survive in a condition that Dr. Childs calls a silent marriage or silent marriage. This relationship is low in conflict, but also loses its warmth. Couples live like two people living together, going through their own routines. Economic factors or fear of loneliness are often the main reason why divorce is delayed or avoided.
According to Dr. Childs, couples counseling is the most effective step to prevent gray divorce.
"Counseling helps build new foundations and habits in relationships," he said.
"Professionals will help identify problems and find the best way to improve them for a better quality of life," he added.
Some other steps that can be taken include:
- Relive happy moments in marriage, such as regular dates or joint projects.
- Take the time to check each other's feelings and needs
- Improve communication honestly and openly
"We need to be brave about expressing what we need and feel heard," Dr. Childs said.
English:
When divorce is the chosen path, the recovery process is still important to pay attention to. Some things that can help include:
- Give yourself time to grieve and process emotions
- Maintain a good relationship with your ex if possible
- Live a healthy lifestyle through exercise and a balanced diet
- Expand your social circle by joining a community
- Focus on self-development
- Enjoy hobbies, interests, or plans that were delayed
"Allow yourself to feel the emotions," Dr. Childs says.
"Although divorce is your choice, it's still a loss. You're changing your life, and it's normal to grieve. It doesn't mean you want to go back, but you're letting go of an old life that no longer exists. And that feeling is okay." he added.
Gray divorce is not always the end of everything. For some people, this is actually the beginning of a more honest, healthy, and meaningful life, at an age that is no longer young, but full of awareness.
The English, Chinese, Japanese, Arabic, and French versions are automatically generated by the AI. So there may still be inaccuracies in translating, please always see Indonesian as our main language. (system supported by DigitalSiber.id)
