10 Ways to Overcome Sibling Rivalry in Children so that it does not last long

YOGYAKARTA - Sibling rivalry or sibling rivalry sometimes feels like a drama without pause at home. Children can fight over trivial things, from fighting for the TV remote to mocking each other endlessly. In addition to being exhausting for parents, this situation can also affect long-term relationships between children.

However, it is important to understand that sibling rivalry is a very common thing. The question is, when is this situation still considered normal and when do you need to handle it seriously? You as a parent need to understand the root of the problem so that you can manage the situation more wisely.

Psychology Behind Sibling Rivalry

Quoted from Purewow, Dr. Bethany Cook, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of For What It's Worth: A Perspective on How to Thrive and Survive Parenting, calls sibling rivalry a "completely normal side effect of children sharing the same parental resources."

In Alfred Adler's view, children tend to compete for validation so as not to feel inferior. This is reinforced by the tendency of children to compare themselves with their closest siblings. Dr. Cook explained that "children measure themselves against their closest group often siblings by using successes and failures to assess their self-esteem."

Another equally important factor is the different treatment of parents, even if it is unintentional. Small differences in attention or rules can have a big impact on the relationship between siblings. Dr. Cook emphasized that "even small differences have been consistently shown to trigger more conflict and resentment between siblings."

In addition, differences in character are also another factor that triggers sibling rivalry. Dr. Cook said, "Individual differences in terms of impulsivity, emotional reactivity, and social skills make some couples more easily triggered/inflamed than others."

10 Ways to Overcome Sibling rivalry

After knowing the root of the problem, then you need the right approach to overcome this situation. According to Dr. Cook, here are 10 things you can do as a parent to overcome sibling rivalry:

Be a coach, not a referee.

Dr. Cook suggests, "Instead of deciding who is 'right', guide the child to negotiate and find a mutually acceptable solution." Ask them to express their feelings and needs. That way, children learn to communicate and compromise.

Stay calm and neutral.

Your reaction as a parent greatly affects the atmosphere of the conflict. Dr. Cook reminds that "emotions are contagious if you remain calm, children will calm down faster and the conflict will subside." A calm attitude helps to calm the situation faster.

Prioritize Emotional Regulation Skills

Children need examples from parents to learn how to manage emotions. Dr. Cook suggests, "Train children to recognize feelings, take deep breaths, or stop for a moment before interacting again." With this simple exercise, children are better prepared to deal with conflicts without emotional outbursts.

Reduce different treatment

Not all rules can be the same for every child. Even so, it is important for you to give an explanation so that your child understands why there are differences in rules. Make sure each child gets equal time and attention.

Encourage cooperation activities.

Give children a common goal so that they learn to work together. Dr. Cook said, "Give children a common goal so that success depends on cooperation." This helps change the perspective from competition to collaboration.

Appreciate the uniqueness of each child

Every child has different interests and abilities. Avoid labeling them as "smart" or "athletic" because it can strengthen competition. Focus on each child's unique interests and abilities.

Teach healthy ways of communicating.

Simple sentences can help children express their feelings. Dr. Cook emphasizes the importance of teaching simple phrases that children can easily say so that they can express their feelings without having to shout or attack. This is also an important resource in their social relationships.

Set clear family rules.

Make basic rules such as not hitting or insulting. Explain the consequences from the start and apply it consistently. The certainty of the rules makes children feel safer and know the limits.

Spend special time with each child.

Every child needs exclusive attention from parents. Dr. Cook explained, "Time alone helps 'fill the attention tank' of each child so that they don't have to compete for it."

Seek professional help if needed.

If this situation continues or has led to violence, do not hesitate to seek expert help. Family therapists can help identify the root of the problem and provide the best solution.

Those are 10 things you can do to overcome sibling rivalry. When children are accustomed to communicating, empathizing, and finding solutions together, their relationship can actually grow stronger. Thus, the house is no longer a place of competition but a warm learning space for every member of the family.

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Tag: psikolog anak