Understanding The Causes Of Differences In Children's Behavior At Home And Schools

JAKARTA - It's not unusual for children to behave differently in different environments. For example, you expect your child to act differently at a friend's birthday party with their grandparents at home.

However, the behavior of some children, especially those with problems such as anxiety, difficulty in learning, ADHD, and autism can vary widely, especially when at home compared to school. This difference can confuse parents, if they are not upset, then worry that they are doing something wrong.

So why can children behave very differently in different environments?

Stephanie Lee, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, stated that children with ADHD, anxiety disorders, autism, and learning disorders usually use all the energy they have to follow teacher directions or solve problems in class. So that after returning home, it's no wonder they run out of energy. Some children manage to meet expectations at school, but because this is a tough struggle, it's no wonder that the bad impact is felt at home.

Meanwhile, Lee also said many children including those with autism spectrum disorders. Benefits from consistency, structure, predictability, and routine in the school environment. And this often cannot be imitated at home.

At school, awards and consequences tend to occur consistently which may be more difficult for parents to apply at home. In addition, social modeling at school can help children follow the rules. Finally, teachers immediately give children consequences when breaking regulations. While parents, give children the opportunity to avoid or delay giving punishment by spending time discussing problems.

Jerry Bubrick, PhD, a clinical psychologist who handles many children with anxiety and OCD reported the Child Mind Institute, Monday, February 24. Noting that children with multiple disorders, including anxiety and OCD, are very concerned about how people view them, especially when entering the first and upper secondary school years. Thus, they try to hide the symptoms that arise.

Another reason why children excel better at school is because they feel safe being their "worst version" at home. They believe parents will continue to love and support them.

"I think sometimes the kids come home and feel relieved," explained Dr. Bubrick.

'Like, 'OK, now I can be myself.'

For children who have succeeded in suppressing their behavior at school, when they arrive home, where they feel no one is judging them, "there could be a behavior explosion."

For most children, academic and social demands at schools are much higher than they usually face at home, said Dr. Lee. So that it can trigger behavioral problems in some children.

Children with challenges such as ADHD and anxiety are often prone to stress, so asking them to be patient or diligent in school can be a trigger for severe stress.

When it comes to autistic children, they may be allowed to do highly ritualistic or self-directed behavior at home, such as playing gadgets or playing Lego. When they arrive at school and are not allowed to do these things, or have to wait for activities they may be able to do, can be a big challenge for them. This causes disturbing behavior.

One of Dr. Lee's main advice is to encourage collaboration and open communication between home and school as much as possible. Dr. Lee said the best way to create collaborative relationships with schools is to make sure you praise the teacher and appreciate the work they do other than provide them with information about children.

For children whose problematic behavior appears at home, Dr. Lee suggested that they be given the opportunity to calm down when they transition after school.

"It's okay to give less stringent demands during that period of time to children if they need rest. However, it is important for them to understand that household rules must still be obeyed."

Dr. Bubrick agrees with the idea, saying it's very important to pay attention to how well children's nutrition and rest are. He advises parents to put their children back on the right track by snacking and letting them rest, so they can rearrange themselves from night to health.

The recommendation of tools by experts in helping children manage behavior both at school and at home, is cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. CBT has been adapted for various types of emotional and behavioral challenges; all these special therapies have similarities, namely children learning self-regulation skills or how to deal with emotions better than acting impulsively.

When children use CBT skills at school, they can perform better without having to spend so much energy, explains Dr. Bubrick. So when they come home, stress and the chances of an explosion of symptoms are reduced. "The more children practice this skill," he said, "the better they do it."

Dr. Bubrick noted that with CBT, parents were involved from the start, to understand the child's condition and see what they were doing which, although well-meaning, contributed to the problem.

"We teach parents what is permissible and should not be done in raising children with anxiety disorders," he said.

Dr. Lee said parental behavior training, which includes CBT components, is often needed to help parents determine what happens in any environment and the best way to support their child.