Fathers Are Not Secondary Mothers, Their Role is Important for Children's Growth and Development

JAKARTA – The figure of a father is often overlooked in a child's development. In fact, many studies have shown that fathers play many roles in a family.

Fathers are more often identified as breadwinners, people who are responsible for meeting their family's material needs. However, studies show that fathers also play a role in nurturing, protecting, and even being playmates for children.

"Fathers influence children's development and adjustment based on their success in all of these roles," as quoted by the Evergreen Psychotherapy Center.

On many occasions, we often talk about mothers as the main attachment figure. However, on this month's Father's Day celebration, November 12, it is important to remind ourselves of how crucial a father's role is in building attachment.

Dad's Physical Play

The fact that mothers play an important role in the early stages of life, because they have to carry and breastfeed, is undeniable. Mothers are believed to have instincts and qualities that place them in the role of primary attachment figures, such as the ability to breastfeed.

The environment and gender role expectations also encourage mothers to expose their children more than fathers.

But lately, at least in the last few years, society has begun to realize that fathers are also capable of caring for and loving children, just as mothers do. This is supported by a number of studies and observations that show that fathers are important attachment figures in the family system.

Research shows that the more involved a father is in pregnancy and childbirth, and the sooner he holds his child shortly after birth, the more he is interested in continuing his positive involvement with the child.

"Fathers' confidence increases when handling their babies, and as their nurturing instincts emerge, their level of commitment also increases," continued Evergreen Psychotherapy.

When fathers are directly involved in caring for their children, they tend to interact, nurture and generally raise children competently. It’s not that mothers are incompetent in raising children, but research shows that fathers are more likely to encourage their children to overcome physical and intellectual challenges, even through signs of frustration. Mothers, on the other hand, are more likely to help their children when their frustration is apparent.

Research shows that fathers tend to spend a greater percentage of their time interacting with their children through play than mothers. Father-child play is also typically characterized by more active and stimulating interactions, often involving ‘rough and tumble play’. Such play is intended to prepare children for the real world, which is full of challenges.

“Fathers tend to engage in more physical play than mothers. This activity has a unique impact on children’s social-emotional development, especially boys,” according to Annabel Amodia-Bidakowska and Clara Laverty’s study Father-child play: A systematic review of its frequency, characteristics and potential impact on children’s development.

“Through physical play, children learn to manage aggression and emotional responses, and prepare for challenges and anxieties in the wider world.”

Dad and Daughter Relationship

In addition, research has found that it is not the mother-child bond, but rather the father-child bond, that can reduce screen time in children. This is because fathers are more likely to initiate physical activity in the family, thus preventing children from remaining sedentary with their gadgets.

Although fathers are often considered secondary caregivers, they are more than just secondary mothers. The importance of the father's role cannot be placed second to the mother. Fathers provide valuable stimulation, joy, and serve as stepping stones to the outside world.

They, fathers, facilitate the ability of children, especially boys, to move outside the mother's orbit. They not only provide valuable role models for boys, but also for girls in their relationships with men later in life.

It is common knowledge that fathers are the primary role models for girls in relationships. The way a father treats his partner shows girls how they deserve to be treated.

Thus, showing respect, kindness, and equality in relationships sets the standard of expectations for girls in the future.

In his book Always Daddy’s Girl, counselor and author H. Norman Wright discusses the issue of female identity. He writes that a girl’s relationship with her father is an important early interaction with the masculine gender.

Fathers are the first men whose attention girls seek. They are the first men to flirt with her and hug her. They are the first men to treat a woman as special.

“All of these experiences with fathers are important in nurturing the elements that make a girl different from other girls,” Wright writes.