Many Divorces Because Of Not Ready To Get Married

Ilustrasi (Ilham Amin / VOI)

The divorce rate in Indonesia continues to increase. Bride-to-be unpreparedness is one of the causes. Through this week's Series Writing, we will together learn to strengthen perspectives on marriage. That marriage is an entrance, not an exit. Welcome to join you in exploring "Today's Wedding".

If there is a song about the deepest hope of marriage, perhaps The Beatles' When I'm Sixty Four is one that describes it most beautifully. Through the song, John Lennon and Paul McCartney sang all the beautiful hopes about an eternal married life. However, if there is the worst possibility of how two people decide to end the marriage, it is divorce. And we can describe it.

In Indonesia, the divorce rate has continued to increase in the last three years. Based on data from the Central Statistics Agency (BPS), there were 353,843 divorce figures in 2015. In 2016, the figure increased to 365,654 and again jumped to 374,516. The highest spike occurred last year with the number reaching 408,202.

If broken down by province, East Java, West Java, and Central Java become the regions with the highest divorce rates. Calculated with 2018 data, the divorce rate in East Java reached 88,995, followed by West Java with 87,307, and Central Java with 75,557 cases of divorce. This figure is directly proportional to the demographics of the three provinces, which are the regions with the largest population.

There are many reasons that encourage people to choose divorce as a way out of domestic problems. We interviewed psychologist Rose Mini to explore this issue. According to Rose Mini, there is a very basic and actually very strange reason that is said to be the most difficult to resolve in a divorce case: incompatibility. Strange, because the true incompatibility can never be explained.

"For example, the number must use statistical data, but usually people always say it is because of a mismatch. The reasons are always mismatched, but actually the incompatibility has never been explained on which side, how or what. That's what has never been explained," said Rose Mini when contacted by VOI. phone, Tuesday 17 December 2019.

According to Rose Mini, this kind of reason occurs because the real nature of the couple is not realized and only appears after marriage. In addition, the partner's ability to adapt to a new environment is also a driving factor. These various factors, according to Rose Mini, are influenced by the readiness of each partner. That readiness is inevitably influenced by age maturity.

The Young Marriage

Like it or not, age is a crucial thing in marriage. There are factors that make age maturity very influential on one's readiness to enter married life. According to Rose Mini, people who get married at a young age are very vulnerable to mental problems and unstable emotions.

These conditions may make it difficult for someone to adapt to married life. In general, people who are still young will find it difficult to carry out their marriage responsibilities. Young people actually need a process to live life with responsibility for themselves. From that process, then a person can carry out other responsibilities as husband, wife, or son-in-law, for example.

"If he is too young, where his development tasks are still looking for self-identity, what I want to be like, how do I want to have a career, still busy again, adding more roles after marriage makes him dizzy. Until he feels I can't adapt," said Rose. Mini.

Even if a divorce occurs. The stigma of society regarding the status of widows and widowers is a matter that must be faced. For those who divorce at a young age, this stigma will be increasingly difficult to deal with and has the potential to overwhelm them.

It is even more complicated if the couple has been blessed with children. Both parties should discuss and make considerations for continuing childcare. Starting from where the child should live to other issues related to financing and determining education, for example.

This problem will be very difficult to deal with for those who divorce at a young age. It is not impossible to face. However, the mental and emotional state of people at a young age will complicate the process of discussion and decision making.

"Poor child. Because, like it or not children are not invited to think, exchange ideas when they want to do a divorce. So the parents immediately decide and the child must accept. As a consequence, parents make children become scramble. "said Rose Mini.

So, if divorce is the worst option for someone to end a marriage, it seems reasonable to call preparation an important thing that one must do before deciding to get married.

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